Addicted
by Ciel the Hedgehog
Summary: No matter what he does, Shadow is still haunted by Maria's memory. All he wants is to forget her, even if it causes him to hate everything about her. AntiShadia songfic.


**Hey everybody, it's me! I haven't written a Sonic oneshot in a while, and I wanted to do a songfic. Then this came up, so I decided to write it. I will say it's anti-Shadia, but don't let that stop you! Shadow, Maria, and all related stuff belongs to Sega. The song "Addicted" belongs to Kelly Clarkson. How do you put Kelly Clarkson and Shadow together? Like this.**

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The only sound aboard the Ark that day was the sound of footsteps and breathing. Shadow the Hedgehog was onboard, taking a walk on what used to be his home. He had vowed he would forget his time here, his time as the Ultimate Lifeform. He had tried, oh how he had tried. But some memories never die, and there was one thing in particular for Shadow: Maria

_It's like you're a drug _

_It's like you're a demon I can't face down_

_It's like I'm stuck_

_It's like I'm running from you all the time_

_And I know I let you have all the power_

_It's like the only company I seek is misery all around_

He had promised her that he would help the planet. That he would save people. But it was impossible. What was he supposed to do when everyone needed saving at the same time? But he couldn't forget. Maria's promise was etched into his memory, and his heart. It was seemingly embedded within his soul, so that he could never live it down. Was that what she really wanted? Sure, it was good to want to help people, but what if the price was sorrow and misery?

_It's like you're a leech_

_Sucking the life from me_

_It's like I can't breathe without you inside of me_

_And I know I let you have all the power_

_And I realize I'm never going to quit you over time_

Even when Shadow had lost his memory on the Ark, there was still Maria. When the Black Arms had invaded, Maria was what kept him going. But watching her death, and her dying wish over and over again, that was too much. Shadow's life was now only for Maria and her wish. It was like he couldn't live without it. It was as if he was addicted.

The black hedgehog looked out the window, into the deep darkness of space. The only light out there was those emitted by the stars. They looked like little holes in space. To Shadow, it reflected his heart, empty, with only a bit of light to keep it going.

"Maria," Shadow muttered, "Why do you have to do this to me? I thought you wanted me to be happy, but all I am is miserable. Is that wrong of me? Am I being selfish?" The black hedgehog let his gaze linger on a star that seemed to be fading out. "Maria...I think I'm starting to hate you."

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you, I'm addicted to you_

_It's like I can't think _

_Without you interwrapped in me_

_In my thoughts, in my dreams, you've taken over me_

_It's like I'm not me, it's like I'm not me_

That was true. Shadow was slowly starting to develop a hatred for his once-best friend. It was because of her Shadow had almost destroyed the planet. It was her memory that had caused him to enter the war with the Black Arms. Even after all that, she still wouldn't leave him alone. Less and less of his actions were his own, more and more of them for Maria. He had been changing himself not because he wanted to, but because Maria wanted him to. Yes, his friends back on Mobius thought it was good. They liked Shadow being nicer. But was it right to be good when it was just to please someone?

Memories of Maria had been flooding Shadow's mind more and more. Shadow supposed he should be happy, for he was finally remembering his past. The only thing he felt was misery, though, because it just reminded him more of what he had lost. He could never got Maria back. It was impossible to revive someone from the dead, even with the chaos emeralds. Since Shadow was immortal, he could not just die, and a suicide attempt would be futile. So what was he to do? The only thing Shadow could think of was to forget about Maria. Ditch Maria, and all that she meant to him.

_It's like I'm lost, it's like I'm giving up slowly_

_It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me_

_Leave me alone_

_And I know these voices in my head_

_Are mine alone_

_And I know I'll never change my ways_

_If I don't give you up now_

Shadow made his way over to what used to be Maria's room, grabbing a gun that was left on the floor. The bedroom was the same as it had been 50 years ago. The bed was still made, with dulled blue sheets. There was a dresser next to the wall, still full of Maria's old clothes. A closet full of old stuffed animals was near the end of the room. There was a bedside table also, with a picture of Maria, Proffessor Gerald, and Shadow. It looked like the room of a normal girl.

Shadow stared at the picture, trying to remember the good times. Trying to remember a time that would stop him from doing what he was about to do. But every good memory he had left was poisoned, tainted by Maria's death, and Shadow's growing hatred. Both had devoured Shadow's mind like ravaging beasts, making him unsure of which was more important. After a while, hatred won, and Shadow threw the picture to the ground, making sure to step on every piece of glass and photo to make sure they were broken. He turned on his jet shoes, letting the fire burn the bits of picture under his foot.

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you, I'm addicted to you_

_It's like I can't think _

_Without you interwrapped in me_

_In my thoughts, in my dreams, you've taken over me_

_It's like I'm not me, it's like I'm not me_

Unsatisfied with the breaking of the picture, Shadow lifted his gun, and began to shoot everything in sight. Every bit that Maria had owned was soon destroyed. If Maria was here, what would she say? Shadow didn't care, because she wasn't here, she was dead.

"Shadow, do it for me. Protect the people of the planet, so they can be happy." The memory came through his mind again.

"What about me, Maria?" Shadow asked, as if she was actually there. "What about me? If I can't fulfill your promise, I can't be happy? Is that it? Well, then you won't either. I don't care anymore, so watch me kill your promise, and tell me what it means to be happy now." Shadow began shooting again, a maniacal laugh escaping his mouth. He was finally winning.

_I'm hooked on you, want me to fix?_

_I can take it, just one more hit_

_I promise I can deal with it_

_I'll handle the quitting, just one more turn_

_Then that's it_

_Just don't leave me open_

_Once you get me through this_

_I'm hooked on you, want me to fix?_

_I can take it, just one more hit_

_I promise I can deal with it_

_I'll handle the quitting, just one more turn_

_Then that's it_

_Just don't leave me open_

_Once you get me through this_

Shadow looked around at his handiwork. The bed was a smouldering pile of rubbish. The dresser was full of holes, and the clothes inside were smoking. The only remains of the stuffed animals were bits of fluff, and a teddy bear with a bullet through the side of it's head. Shadow threw his head back and began to laugh again. He had destroyed her room. It felt great, to destroy something that belonged to someone with power over him. The only person with true control over him.

"Shadow, do it for me. Protect the people of the planet, so they can be happy." Oh god no, the image had come again. Shadow braced himself for a bit of remorse, but was caught off-guard by what he saw. He was not in the capsule this time. Instead, Shadow was standing in front of Maria, still maniacally laughing. In his hand was a pistol, still smoking from a recently fired shot.

"I have killed Maria," Shadow muttered solemnly. His hatred had been so great, he basically killed the person whom he loved the most. What would be worse? His old memory, or this new one created out of pure anger and loathing? Sure, he had never really killed Maria. But thinking about what he had just done made it feel like he did.

_It's like I can't breathe_

_It's like I can't see anything_

_Nothing but you, I'm addicted to you_

_It's like I can't think _

_Without you interwrapped in me_

_In my thoughts, in my dreams, you've taken over me_

_It's like I'm not me, it's like I'm not me_

No. Shadow had never killed his obsession with Maria, not for a second. He was only making it worse. One thing made itself clear now: Shadow would always be addicted to Maria. But now, he hated her as well. He hated her, but he was still tied to the promise. Maria had not deserved death, and the least he could do was try to fulfill her dying wish. Even if he was miserable. The black hedgehog turned around, walking towards the launch bay to return to Mobius. Shadow took one last look outside the window, at the vastly empty space.

"Maria," Shadow said, wondering what to say. "Maria...damn you."**

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Whew, I'm done. Please don't hate Maria for this! That's not what I intended, but it's probably going to happen anyway. I've just wanted to write something like this for a long time, a fic where Shadow totally goes against Maria. Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Review please.**


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